Guide to the latest additions to the sexual misconduct and harassment code for the theatre (abridged)

In light of the recent offstage violent actions between a past Tony Award nominee and fellow theater star who were dating each other and performing as the title lovers in a Shakespearean tragedy, the sexual misconduct and harassment code of the theatre has added the following clarifications.  (Keep in mind that we are in the business of make believe and there may be special circumstances by which sexual misconduct and harassment are tolerated so that the intent of the playwright and the vision of the director remains intact.) These additional, unenforceable codes apply to all members of the professional theatre community as of today. 

CASTING:
If you are asked to take off your clothes at an audition you must be given a reason i.e. the production is a bare bones version of the play; the producer is considering doing the play in repertory with “Oh, Calcutta”; the director wants to see you naked.

REHEARSALS:
Make out scene rehearsals shall follow these guidelines:
(1) There shall be a five-minute break after 55 minutes of making out or a 10-minute break at the conclusion of 80 minutes of a make out rehearsal.
(2) Actors shall not rehearse making out more than five consecutive hours without a meal break of at least one hour.  
(3) There shall be a 12-hour recovery period between the end of a make out rehearsal on one day and the beginning of a make out rehearsal on the next day.

PERFORMANCES:
The following acts must be performed a maximum of 8 times a week if written into the script:
flirting
kissing
arguing
fighting
groping
stripping
having sex*
*may be simulated

NOTE: Highly sexualized musicals such as “Cabaret” may also include the following:
ass slapping
nipple tweaking
after hours dating

If weaponry is used in any of the above a qualified fight captain must be present. A qualified fight captain is any person trained in weaponry, experienced in weaponry, knows what the word weaponry means, or is a former boyfriend of the stage manager.

PROTOCOLS FOR REGISTERING GRIEVANCES

If you think you have experienced sexual misconduct and/or harassment (please refer to the guidelines entitled “Complete Guide to the sexual misconduct and harassment code for the theatre (abridged)” you may report infringements as follows:

If you are an actor notify the stage manager.
If you are the stage manager notify the producer
If you are the producer notify the dialect coach
If you are the dialect coach notify the orchestrator
If you are the orchestrator notify the dance captain
If you are the dance captain notify the director
If you are the director assemble the cast together and discuss the claims of the person who has filed the grievance. Moderate a 45 minute session focusing on what should be done. Listen to everyone’s ideas and thank them all for sharing.  Then, inform whoever it is who complained (if you don’t remember it is usually the person with the black eye) that they are free to leave the production asap.
Take everyone out for drinks.**

** This is the only circumstance under which it is permissible for actors to perform drunk.

For more information see: "Sex and Violence, Beyond the Script
http://nyti.ms/18NyLkg