IOWA DIARY #3

Cedar Falls Iowa! I'm trying not to smile too big right now as I think of it, as I am in a lecture hall with a law professor learning the basics of special education law. I am not going to law school. Sometimes feminists who are actresses who are not Meryl Streep work for law schools as pretend clients for law students to practice interviews, counseling sessions, and negotiation sessions (which by the way everyone nowadays should learn how to do - negotiate, learn it now, practice with your friends, your mother, your father, your cousins - you get the point.). It's actually really heartbreaking work. I think of it as my yearly lesson in compassion. Many students have started law school right after undergrad and have never run a meeting. Their hands are cold, their voice shakes, they have no idea how to start or end. Thankfully, after all that awkwardness, they get to talk about law, and that they know.

Gloria (our Iowa grad student assistant extraordinaire), I love you. Your feedback during rehearsal, your bright colors, and your cookies were all terrific! Professor 'M' never gives us cookies and wears a typical beige or grey toned business suit. And I've never looked down to see Professor M's shoes. Probably those comfortable and worn in kind. Who needs that. I mean, if you are going to go that route at least wear sneakers and pretend you've just come from the gym.

Tech! Tech! The tech was fantastic! Thanks guys. I really appreciated it. Not even at this newly renovated top of the line lecture hall is the tech handled so well. Professor M is always pausing to figure out how the computer turns up the lights and dims the sound while we are trying to watch a practice interview. IT is always stopping by to help out. Like now. Excuse me as I check my emails. Ooh. Aphra printed her diary entry of our tour de force de Walmart. Hee hee.

Ah, working with the incredible Lucille Ball (our student volunteer). I loved the physical comedy the most (wasn't Jessica the incarnation of Lucy, I hope you don't mind if I call you Lucy). I've never had so much fun playing 'Machoswine' as I did with you as 'Chauvinisto.' You just jumped right in and made such bold choices and were so humorous. I think that was my favorite part. Mostly because, while I am a feminist, it's really all about everyone being able to be who they want to be and be respected for it as much of their lives as possible. And for me, that's being an actress. Thanks Lucy for a great 'scene.'

All righty, off I go...heading to Canada. More later. See you on the other side,

Dame Edith Evans

March 30, 2001

Iowa Diary #2

Yo diary!

Our journey to Iowa began with two warm tropical plane trips and a short drive to our hotel. What else was there to do but go to Aphra Behn’s favorite store, Wal Mart?

We went for a wonderful dinner in Downtown Cedar Falls called Bourbon Street, and although they didn’t have bananas, they did have some lovely New Orleans food, including Pickle Chips, which were a delight.

The day of the show, we returned to Wal Mart for a lovely photo shoot, where we danced around the aisles looking for as much interesting food as possible. Aphra also got several bras on sal for our opening "sunrise" bit in "Feminists Are Funny". Mine is a left over Valentines Day bra and the women in the check out line in front of us exclaimed "Oh, that's too pretty to hide!" Guess what? I'm not planning on hiding it!

Before we knew it it was time to go to the University of Northern Iowa. It was a fantastic theatre, and to my pleasure and surprise the tech went extremely well. Our student volunteer, Jessica, was very excited and she did a great job at the rehearsals.

Suddenly it was showtime and our audience was hot! We could feel the enthusiasm bursting onstage. My favorite ad libs were when Aphra described pulling the topics out of the hat as “Avant Garde” and when I had the audience all applaud for “yay, discrimination!”

The commedia skit was hilarious, as our super enthusiastic student volunteer almost stole the show. She made Edith Evans drop her cigar twice during the skit, which I thought was a slapstick routine but turned out to just be an accident. Talk about upstaging. Who knew we would have met our improvizational match in Jessica!

The Q&A was thoughtful, poignant and hilarious. Almost everyone in the packed house stayed which made it comfy and cozy.

Edith, Aphra and I headed back to our hotel exhausted but not too tired to have a cast party in Aphra's room complete with Wal Mart wine and snacks courtesy of Gloria our grad student cohort. Until we meet again Iowa...I will dream of you.

Monkey love,

Audrey Hepburn

March 29, 2011

CALLING ALL Feminists - listen to Guerrilla Girls On Tour in Houston, Texas on KUHF at 12:15 CST TUESDAY APRIL 5, 2011!

http://app1.kuhf.org/houston_public_radio-the_front_row.php

Iowa Diary #1

Dearest book,

I’m going to give you our tour of Iowa in FOOD, since that seems to be part of the focus of our latest version of “Feminists Are Funny”. We arrived in Waterloo, Iowa on Monday March 28^th where the snow lay in huge, dirty piles all along the road to Cedar Falls. Since Subway has overtaken McDonalds as the largest restaurant chain in the US, Subway is our new favorite lunch spot and Cedar Falls did not disappoint with 3 of them! Our first day here we didn’t really have much to do so we decided to check out Wal Mart – especially since the Supreme Court was hearing arguments the very next day in the class action suit brought by women against Wal Mart for discrimination. There is no Wal Mart in New York City – we’ve kept them out so here we go, a little exploration of just how much can we buy in Wal Mart for how cheap.

Audrey and Edith don shopping sacks and away we go down the gia-normous aisles.

First of all, it appears that everything is a dollar! That’s right, those prices are truly slashed and everything is a great value!

You don’t have to buy your vodka and cranberry in separate boxes, they come together.

Found a huge sack of honey buzzers, whatever those are.

Whipped cream for all those pies we throw in our new food show.

Laundry detergent that will last a few years.

OK, enough with the Wal Mart.

We’re hungry. Off to downtown where we had a swell meal at Bourbon Street – another chain, though not as well known – with yummy New Orleans inspired entrees and fried pickles to start. Never had em, now I crave em everywhere I go.

Tuesday, March 29^th is show time day. We check into the University of Northern Iowa where Gloria, our grad student assistant brings us peanut butter cookies with M and M’s! Awesome. The tech crew is one of the best we’ve ever had and we have plenty of time to spare to dip into our back stage snacks.

The show is awesome…! Edith Evans, Audrey Hepburn and I rocked the rockin’ packed house of on your feet feminists! OK, so I was wearing my brand new yellow shoes and I did fall off the stage. But hey, anything for a good laugh and my follow up was funny. We head back to our favorite Quality Suites hotel and share a bottle of wine (that we got for cheap at, you guessed it, Wal Mart). Edith, Audrey and I have good laughs over some of the ad-libs we did during the show. The next day is a travel day – flying to Duluth and the driving to Canada – to Lakehead University at Thunder Bay! To be continued….

Arkansas Diary #2

(Me on left, and Aphra)

Hey Diary,

I'm sitting at my post modern, neo-classical, hand carved, bio-degradable wooden desk. I am staring out the window. It is winter still in Hell's Kitchen New York City, but oh my diary, it was spring in Arkansas. Arkadelphia, Arkansas to be precise. What a beautiful place and what a glorious time I had!!!

It was national 'Hug a Lesbian Day!' Imagine a country as repressed as the United States of America having such a day. I was very patriotic. I hugged lesbians - liberal lesbians, conservative lesbians, smart lesbians, silly lesbians, short haired lesbians, long haired lesbians, blue haired lesbians, shy lesbians, outgoing lesbians, hot lesbians, mousy lesbians, Harry Potter loving lesbians, jean wearing lesbians, hip hop lesbians, classical lesbians, athletic lesbians, studious lesbians, southern lesbians, feminist lesbians, and there I stop. Who knew there could be so many lesbians on a campus of 3500!

I was also very honored that the Vice President of the school attended the performance and said afterwards he learned a lot from our show. I was very happy to hear that. Sometimes I look into my family heirloom-passed down from many generations-too big for my apartment-but too sentimental to throw away- mirror and say to myself "Edith, Why do you still go around making a spectacle of feminism? Everyone knows what equality means." But in reality, everyone does not. It is still a confusing concept for some.

Let me assure you there is enough space, homes, lovers, jobs, religions, politics, flowers, clouds, blue skies, shooting stars and dreams for everyone to live their lives without discrimination. There just is.

(me on right and Josephine)

Think of it this way. We learned on arriving at Henderson State University that there is now a Women's Study minor. Has anyone not been able to major or minor in their desired subject because a Women's Study minor now exists? Does anyone feel that his or her major has been sullied or devalued because a Women's Studies minor now exists? Does anyone feel they are becoming more liberal, more articulate, more fashionable, more worldly, have a larger vocabulary, more empowered, more likely to buy a ticket to a play written or directed by a woman, or more prone to fits of osteoporosis because a Women Studies minor now exists on the HSU campus? (careful, this may be a trick question.)

That's all for now. I love you Henderson! Good night, and good luck!

Xo Edith Evans

March 17, 2011

ARKANSAS DIARY #1

Dear GGOT Diary,

What a great tour! I have to admit I was a little nervous about this one. Touring to southern, red states always makes me nervous. I'm never sure how I (being a black Guerrilla Girl On Tour), or how we (being feminists), will be received. But I had no reason to be nervous because Aphra, Edith and I received the warmest welcome from one of the most diverse schools I have ever toured to.

The welcoming faculty was great. As we toured the theater and dance department we discussed the true meaning of feminism, and how some of the school's female students felt uncomfortable identifying as feminists, (despite the fact that they believe what feminism stands for). Ah it’s the same wherever we go and I immediately knew that everyone on the campus of Henderson U in Arkadelphia, Arkansas was on our side!

The performance went really well. We kept the energy up, the audience laughed where they were supposed to and they loved "Size Two Pants". When I picked a man from the audience to point out as a "true feminist" it just so happened that I chose the schools Vice President! He was perfect. Immediately, I could tell that he was a man of power and intelligence. He had a great sense of humor, and went with the joke. After the show he came over and told us how much he enjoyed it and how much he learned from “Feminists Are Funny”.

Here's a fun fact for ya: Did you know that March 15th, the day of our show, was National Hug a Lesbian day? We didn't. But, during "Announcements from the Audience" we learned that it was! At curtain call, Edith ran right up into the audience, and hugged herself a bunch of lesbians! I followed right behind Edith and so did Aphra, hugging until we were too tired to hug anyone else.

There's nothing better than taking an extra 45 minutes to leave the stage, because the audience is still loving you. We were signing t-shirts, and posters, and taking picture after picture after the show. It felt really great.

I learned something huge from this tour. There's no need to stress about any of our tour destinations. You never know how the audience is going to react. In blue states our feminist message may be taken for granted. But in red states they love us as soon as we step over the state line. Until we meet again you reddies!

Love,

Josephine Baker

March 16, 2011

New Hampshire Diary #3

Yo Diary!

We drove to Keene, NH, leaving a trail of banana peels in our midst. Our gorilla chatter went on for hours on the long drive, until we finally arrived. I had never seen so much snow before! After a delicious meal, we retired into our Bed and Breakfast... a bit tiny for a gorilla but comfortable none the less.

I roomed with Zora Neale Hurston, who not only enjoyed the room piping hot as I do, but enjoyed snoozing her alarm as many times as possible before getting up in the morning.

Day Two:

Arrived on campus and toured the wonderful facilities. We jumped around in our gorilla suits to warm up for the performance and rehearsed onstage.

During the show, the energy from the crowd was terrific. They seemed to enjoy our improv, especially my blues rhyme about eating cauliflower in the shower. I was quite embarrassed when I made a mistake during my big note on "Size 2 Pants." I suppose I should have agreed to the clause in the contract where Marni Nixon would dub me for that note... Maybe next time, Marni.

My favorite moment was my portrayal of Julia Child. I could feel the audience really enjoyed my performance. And when I got to pie Janis Joplin/Tammy the Tummy, I really gave it to her, which was tremendous fun. It was great to hear so much positive feedback from our viewers.

Afterwards, we had an intense meal at a Mexican restaurant in town. Our waiter, Steven, had a huge sexual energy and said "ohhhhh yeahhh" at everything we ordered and raised his eyebrows seductively when I ordered my second Margarita. Hey, I know gorillas are attractive but calm yourself!

The next day we all snored as Aphra drove us home. Somehow, we misplaced our large bag of bananas, a huge mistake when you have a car full of gorillas! We'll need extra reinforcements next time.

Until then I remain yours truly,

Audrey Hepburn

March 8, 2011

It's Anti-Street Harassment Day!

Oh! The Virtues of Public Harassment

Say goodbye to ironing! Receive instant pressings when creeps push their bodies against yours for the entire train ride home.

Increase your vocabulary! Use the dictionary to discover the new words you heard in the lewd comments called your way.

Get more miles per gallon! Being tailgated assures you will drive well within the speed limit.

Save money! Why pay for art classes when semi exposed men are right there in front of you?

Unwedge those wedgies! Unwelcome pinches and slaps to your rear end will take care of them.

Be happy forever! Your life is now filled with constant reminders to smile.

A public service message from:

http://www.ggontour.com

http://www.stopstreetharassment.com/

http://www.ihollaback.org/

New Hampshire Diary #2

Dearest Book,

Monday, March 7, 2011: The car ride to New Hampshire was pretty smooth. Audrey Hepburn, Azucena Viaflore, and I spoke quickly and frequently in the beginning. I guess the excitement of getting out of the city got to us, plus, it’s always great to be travelling with intriguing young women and engaging in “girl talk”. Then, in the midst of all the excitement, we all fell asleep as if a magician had placed a spell on us. It was really funny. I woke up to some pretty beautiful scenery. If someone dropped me off in New Hampshire and drove off, I wouldn’t mind. I’d have time to soak in the quiet and calm atmosphere, which would be fantastic for all of my creative thoughts and ideas.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011: Today was so tiring. I have to say though, it was all really rewarding because our show at Keene State was amazingly fun. I really did go over the top out when I portrayed the mad waitress in MFK Fisher’s “Define This Word”. A GGOT fan walked up to the stage after the show and told us that she had not only been a fan since she was 15, but also, that she had travelled 3 hours to see this particular show! At that moment, I was incredibly proud to be a Guerrilla Girl On Tour. It just proves that comedy and compassion go a long way, because this fan also said that she was crying by the end of it. Wow! And of course, that’s the reason why Guerrilla Girls On Tour step up to the plate to share this message…and pie people in the face (that was the first time I got pied in the face and it was a fantastic, yummy part of my day!). People really are listening. And feminism is NOT dead.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011: I couldn’t really get to sleep very well, which was strange, considering the fact that I usually dose off the moment I hit a pillow. Anyway, I woke up twice during the night; once when I had to go to the bathroom, and the other time when Audrey Hepburn performed a riveting, mysterious, very loud monologue in her sleep.

We had to wake up really early to get back to the hustle and bustle of NY, so I couldn’t snooze 8 times like I usually do. Bummer. I showered, tried to wash the pie cream out of my hair. After an English muffin and some weak coffee, I got into the car and immediately started snapping corny pictures to capture some memories of Keene, New Hampshire. Until we meet again.

Love,

Zora Neale Hurston

March 9, 2011

New Hampshire Diary #1

Journal Dearest–

The last few days have been such a frenzy of food and frolicking through the town of Keene in New Hampshire. With each mile away from the polluted New York, I gained a greater understanding of what living in the country means. It was a fairly brief ride up through Conn. and Mass. in our comfy guerrilla girl-mobile – fully equipped with show-tunes and enough sugar snacks to feed a group of baby elephants. The snow kissed trees amid the grounds of the Keene Bed and Breakfast greeted us with silvery smiles. I was promptly offered the Mommy Dearest room, adored with Joan Crawford’s original furniture (who knew she once lived in New Hampshire). I’m still trying to decide if this was meant to serve as a compliment or an insult. But, I must say, I slept like a baby. So, maybe Mommy Dearest was sending me her blessings.

Despite some preliminary technical glitches, the show was a great success! Women and men of all ages seemed happy to be there and ready to participate. With a full belly, my neon yellow guerrilla-fied body was ready to move, talk, dance, and sing about the substances that nourish us all – FOOD! At moments we really seemed to surprise and delight the audience. For example, they definitely got kick out of our Lady Gaga parody of “Size 2 Pants”. Also, the Tammy the Tummy Pie-in-the-Face moment seemed to surprise us all. She never saw it coming! Unfortunately, she didn’t see the floor coming either when she had a tiny slip to the ground during the closing Traditional Feminist Dance. Don’t worry, she was A-OK. Thank you Tammy for being such a great sport! We couldn’t have done it without you!

When performing a show about food, one must eat good food (and drink)! Fortunately for us, the town of Keene had delectable treats that filled out tummies with joy! While the veggie pizza and “layer cake” wine indulged both our savory and sweet sides, the fries at Fritz made me want to dance around like a school girl. The whole process of dipping these darling little fried delights into several different types of sauces was both delicious and fun! However, our dining experiences where definitely brought to a pinnacle during our post show meal at the local Mexican joint. At first, I thought perhaps our server, Steven, had been shipped in from some tropical island because his surfer style of speaking and wave-like liquid motions made me feel as though he were still rocking on some ship. Looking at him and listening to his vaguely sexual tone of speaking, it seemed almost impossible not to giggle at points. But the trusty Sam Adams Winter Ale and black bean taquitos set it all straight.

All in all, the trip was an enjoyable and scrumptious success!

Hasta Luego,

Azucena Villaflor

March 9, 2011